


How Liam was forced to sex up Zayn for the sake of the Ziam Ship's restoration on the second place of Niall's top5 OTPs list.

by KayleighMcCamyo



Series: Groupchats of One Direction and 5 Seconds of Summer [6]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Crack, Cuddles, Daddy Kink, Fluff, Humor, I am so sorry, M/M, Muke - Freeform, Sarcasm, Sextape, Slash, Trash Talk, calum is done, crackfic, everybody hates those bands, groupchats, larry - Freeform, liam is getting raped by zayn, luke is leaving the band, not about rapign liam, oh my dear god, the gay, this is humor, this one is the worst, those bands are so gay, trust me guys liam wants to be raped more than zayn wants to sex him up, why would i even, ziam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-01
Updated: 2015-08-01
Packaged: 2018-04-12 09:57:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4475024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KayleighMcCamyo/pseuds/KayleighMcCamyo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn: LIAM WHICH ONE IS YOUR ROOM WE ARE GOING TO MAKE A SEXTAPE RIGHT NOW SO I CAN SHOW NIALL HOW REAL ZIAM IS</p><p>Cal: im leavign this group AND this tour AnD IM MOVING OUT OF THIS HOUSEHOLD</p><p>Ash: im movin in with 1d boys</p><p>Zayn: I WANT ZIAM BACK ON HIS HONORABLE SECOND PLACE IN NIALLS OTP LIST</p><p>Harry: that‘d explain why Louis threw him out of the ventilation shaft yesterday.</p><p>Niall: HEY GUYS IVE GOT VIDEO OF MUKE MAKING OUT</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Liam was forced to sex up Zayn for the sake of the Ziam Ship's restoration on the second place of Niall's top5 OTPs list.

Ashton Irwin (Ash) has started a groupchat. He‘s invited: Cal, Luke, Mikey, Harry, Louis, Liam, Niall, Zayn.

 

 **Ash** : LETS GAY!

 **Liam** : Oh dear.

 **Michael** : Gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

 **Louis** : Gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

 **Cal** : Oh dear.

 **Harry** : Yaaaaaasssssssss

 **Liam** : why.

 **Mikey** : Yassssss, we gay together!

 **Niall** : ALL OF MY SHIPS IN ONE GROUPCHAT I NEED TO WRITE A FANFIC ABOUT THIS

 **Zayn** : i hate all of you here.

 **Luke** : I’m leaving this band.

 **Zayn** : I second that decision.

 **Mikey** : WELL U CAN LEAVE THEN

 **Louis** : NOONE NEEDS YOU LOTS ANYWAY

 **Harry** : Um… we kinda need Zayn, love.

 **Liam** : WE NEED ZAYN VERY MUCH HE IS THE ONLY SOURCE OF MY SANITY HERE I WOULD BE LOST WITHOUT MY ZAYN I LOVE HIM HE IS MY ROCK

 **Niall** : WE NEED ZAYN VERY MUCH HE IS THE SECOND HALF OF MY OTP

 **Louis** : Wait I need Zayn who’d have happy days with me

 **Zayn** : …

 **Ash** : Children, do we need Michael?

 **Cal** : no

 **Luke** : no

 **Ash** : nope

 **Mikey** : wtf

 **Mikey** : like wtf

 **Mikey** : the fuck wtf

 **Luke** : we don't like you

 **Cal** : that's not a secret

 **Ash** : you always eat my cereals and into conversations you are throwing dicks

 **Cal** : above that your own.

 **Louis** : …He's got so many of them?

 **Mikey** : yes

 **Harry** : wow

 **Zayn** : respectable

 **Cal** : No, but it’s so big he has to threw it in by pieces, so they would fit.

 **Liam** : well, at least im not the only one

 **Ash** : SO THE PAYNE TRAIN IS LEGIT?!?!

 **Cal** : Oh my god.

 **Ash** : THERE ARE FAN-THEORIES ABOUT IT EVERYWHERE IS IT TRUE THAT YOUVE GOT OVER 10 INCHES

 **Liam** : I-

 **Luke** : I’m leaving.

 **Louis** : I DEMAND RECOUNTING IN DICK MEASSURING I AM PRETTY SURE HARRY HERE HAS GOT THE BIGGEST DICK

 **Harry** : we are recounting every week, love, it's not tuesday, let Liam be, honey.

 **Cal** : OH MY FUCKING GOF

 **Ash** : YOU ARE HAVING RECOUNTING EVERY WEEK?!?!?!

 **Ash** : WE DIDN´T  EVEN HAVE ANY, YET, PROPERLY, ONLY MICHAEL KEEPS SENDING US HIS DICKPICS

 **Mikey** : YOU ARE JSUT JEALOUS OF MY 9 INCHES

 **Louis** : I DEMAND RECOUNTING IMMEDIATELLY I AM THE LEADER OF THIS BAND

 **Ash** : OF COURSE I AM FUCIGN JEALOU OS M HY FOG LITERALY YOVE GOT 9 INCHES LONG CLIFFOCONDA

 **Harry** : Don't worry, ash, you might gain an inch or so, yet.

 **Luke** : i am not, id be afraid of it.

 **Luke** : you know, with great lenght comes great responsibility.

 **Cal** : OH MY GOD LUKE FOR FUCK'S SAKE

 **Louis** : :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D  OUR BABY!!!! IM SO PROUD§!!!

 **Harry** : Lukeyyyyyyyyyyyyy! xD

 **Liam** : this is not what ive signed for

 **Liam** : you are just children

 **Liam** : stop this conversation

 **Mikey** : how‘ that niall and louis are so silent in dick meassuring thing?

 **Liam** : nialls got the smallest, yet he makes girls scream the loudest in bed.

 **Niall** : call me mister dick game real strong

 **Liam** : lousi cares more about harrys dick than his own.

 **Louis** : true.

 **Cal** : oh god please no

 **Liam** : and zayn has the body of god, the face of angels, the dick of an architect and a dickgame of all the black guys on porn industry.

 **Zayn** : aww, li, lvoe u bro. Your dick is the best.

 **Cal** : for fuck's sake how gay are you people

 **Luke** : i am leaving.

 **Ash** : awwww, BROMANCE GOALS U GUYS THE BEST

 **Niall** : MY OTP I AM HAVING FEELS OMG NOW I HAVE TO FIND MYSELF SOME NICE ZIAM STUFF N AO3

 **Cal** : Oh for fuck's sake why am i even here

 **Zayn** : nah, I’ve changed my mind, I’m staying. This is golden.

 **Ash** : yeah me too Ni. Have you got soem good stuff there?

 **Luke** : i feel uncomfortable in this conversation.

 **Mikey** : literally the best bromance ever

 **Luke** oh for gods sake i am leaving

 **Niall** : let the bromance live

 **Niall** : larry startd off as a bromance, too

 **Harry** : than i sucked louis‘ dick

 **Cal** : FOR MY FUCKIGN SAKE STOP THIS

 **Mikey** : ash what u think of my dick?

 **Cal** : OH MY GOD NO

 **Ash** : i don't know, mikey, haven't got any long, hard look on it, yet

 **Cal** : OH JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ON THE COUCH EATING YOUR MAMAS LUNCH, WHY THE FUCK YOULD YOU LOTS DO THIS TO ME

 **Louis** : :D :D :D:D:D:D:D:D

 **Mikey** : Nah, i’ve changed my mind too. Nonne else can apprechiate my dick as much as you guys can.

 **Luke** : Go away Michael noone likes you

 **Liam** : i still can't believe this is my real life

 **Cal** : this convo is a fucking mess.

 **Louis** : …no… this is just fantasy…

 **Luke** : fucking christ

 **Niall** : CAUGHT IN THE LANDSLIDE

 **Ash** : LUKE WHAT THE FUCK DON'T SWEAR!!!!

 **Harry** : Maybe you should… change your previous statement, Liam…?

 **Liam** : *facepalm emoji* *facepalm emoji* *facepalm emoji* *facepalm emoji*

 **Louis** : NO ESCAPE FROM REALITY

 **Zayn** : why am i even here

 **Mikey** : Guys of 1d, can i join in? My band hates me and i have nowhere to go now.

 **Niall** : OPEN YOUR EYES

 **Zayn** : I am such a nice sex god

 **Liam** : Mikey don't worry they love you and they need you in the band

 **Zayn** : what did i do so bad Allah is punishing me so badly

 **Louis** : LOOK UP IN THE SKIES AND SEE

 **Ash** : I’m moving out of my bandmates household they are boring

 **Niall** : IM JUST A POOR BOY

 **Cal** : why?

 **Louis** : I NEED NO SYMPATHY

 **Ash** : and cal don't come down here

 **Ash** : Luke and Mikey are cuddling on the sofa here i know you hate it

 **Niall** : BECAUSE IM EASY COME, EASY GO

 **Cal** : yet again h my god why is everyone so gay here

 **Liam** : You have no idea how much do I feel you, Cal.

 **Zayn** : Hey, Larry is cute! I’ve created them to my liking, because i am a nice god, they are cute!

 **Louis** : LITTLE HIGH, LITTLE LOW

 **Niall** :  ANYWAY THE W-  OH MY GOD

 **Niall** : WHATIT OAIOERSJDF TWANT IT AIT WATI TI

 **Niall** : wait tawiatiwataitaietai IWAIT WAIT EIATWT THAWAIT MUKE IS REAL

 **Niall** : WHAT THE FUCK MWAIT I NEED TO GO IMMEDIATELY WHERE IS MY PHONE

 **Liam** : oh dear.

 **Zayn** : oh dear.

 **Harry** : ?

 **Louis** : thank, ash, you spare me off of my duet-partner.

 **Ash** : ?

 **Liam** : Niall is the captain of his ships.

 **Harry** : …?

 **Ash** : Im movin in with you, 1d guys, it seems like theres so much more fun and noone hates ships there

 **Cal** : I… i don't even want to know, Li. I stumbled upon his tumblr once and had a heart attact and was in immediate need for lobotomy. Ive never seen so muchlarry porn and gayporn at one place. Like, he actually, like, has blog dedicated to them?!

 **Liam** : actually… yes. And it's true. Larry is his OTP, and Muke takes second place in his otp’s list. He was explaining this to me the all weekend. He’s very…

 **Zayn** : obsessed.

 **Cal** : gay.

 **Louis** : creepy.

 **Harry** : supportive.

 **Ash** : NICE FRIEND

 **Luke** : experted?

 **Mikey** : in too deep?

 **Liam** : …Dedicated, i’d say.

 **Zayn** : wait - second on his otp list

 **Cal** : oh my sweet lord jesus christ on a truck we are all dead.

 **Liam** : don't worry, cal, he ships you and ashton. You are in his top 5 ships.

 **Zayn** : what to you mean muke takes second place where the fuck is Ziam in this

 **Ash** : awww, ni u cutie^^

 **Luke** : this is golden

 **Louis** : my duet partner is gone because of your gayness ur fuckign homos

 **Cal** : Someone should remind Louis he’s the gayest out of us all

 **Liam** : Shhh, he’s in denial

 **Ash** : what

 **Liam** : Shhh, don't even try and go there

 **Ash** : literally what he was fucked by harry so hard like on hour ago he awoke us all up.

 **Liam** : shhhhh, he and his manly side are playing thick at him if you ask him he’ll say he’s straight.

 **Ash** : literally-

 **Liam** : Shhh, you don't want the tommo storm right now

 **Ash** : o-

 **Ash** : o…kay….

 **Liam** : please, don't. it's 4am, and i don't have the engergy for him now.

 **Harry** : Niall’s shipping us…?

 **Ash** : …okay.

 **Ash** : i just hope your therapist is alright and you are paying them off in gold bricks.

 **Liam** : it's the 75th therapist we have

 **Ash** : wow.

 **Liam** : this year.

 **Mikey** : NOONE IS AS MANLY AS ME AND LOUIS FUCK OFF BITCHES

 **Louis** : yasssssssssssssssssssss show them off mikey

 **Zayn** : im moving out

 **Zayn** : but noone has answred my question yet

 **Zayn** : if muke is second, where the fuck is Ziam.

 **Liam** : Well, honey, Niall said Ziam isn't real enough so he switched 3rd and 2nd places, and Ziam is third on his list, now.

 **Zayn** : isn't real enough…?

 **Harry** : wait, Niall ships us? Me… me and Louis? he’s reading fanfic about… me and louis?

 **Zayn** : …ziam… ziam isn't real enough….?

 **Ash** : seriously this is golden can I move in

 **Zayn** : what do you mean isn't real enough…?!

 **Cal** : even worse, Haz. He’s writing them.  

 **Zayn** : WHAT DO YOU MEAN ISN'T REAL ENOUGH

 **Louis** : Noone in this group respect me

 **Cal** : Ive seen those. Also those manips. And smutty gayporn gif manips. I am still in mild need for lobotomy.

 **Harry** : and he's reblogging manips?

 **Zayn** : WHERE THE FUCK IS NIALL SO I CAN SHOW HIM HOW REAL ZIAM IS

 **Louis** : your conversation is boring

 **Cal** : oh my god what ive signed my soul for

 **Harry** : it's not enough for him, all the times he’s walked in onto us fucking this month alone?

 **Ash** : this is golden. Where is my popcorn and coke.

 **Louis** : love, he didn´t  „walked in on us“. He was purposely creeping.  

 **Zayn** : LIAM WHICH ONE IS YOUR ROOM WE ARE GOING TO MAKE A SEXTAPE RIGHT NOW SO I CAN SHOW NIALL HOW REAL ZIAM IS

 **Cal** : im leavign this group AND this tour AnD IM MOVING OUT OF THIS HOUSEHOLD

 **Ash** : im movin in with 1d boys

 **Zayn** : I WANT ZIAM BACK ON HIS HONORABLE SECOND PLACE IN NIALLS OTP LIST

 **Harry** : that‘d explain why Louis threw him out of the ventilation shaft yesterday.

 **Niall** : HEY GUYS IVE GOT VIDEO OF MUKE MAKING OUT

 **Liam** : oh dear.

 **Ash** : im moving in with you niall i am not even kidding

 **Harry** : ash do you ship your bandmates too?

 **Louis** : seriously can you talk about something else? This is boring.

 **Cal** : oh dear.

 **Ash** : OH DEAR GOD YESSSSSS!!!

 **Niall** : FINALLY SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS  I LOVE YOU ASH

 **Cal** : Liam, bro, literally how are you even dealing with all this

 **Harry** : Niall stop preffering other pairings Louis here feels overlooked.

 **Liam** : Larry’s usually fucking, so they don't really cause any troubles, maybe some loud stuff all night long, but that's it.

 **Cal** : oh god

 **Liam** : Nialls usually creeping on them, so no troubles for me, either.

 **Cal** : omg

 **Liam** : and zayn is usually missing or asleep, and when he’s awake and present, he always takes my side.

 **Zayn** : LIAM DON'T IGNORE ME IM TAKING A CAMERA ND CONDOMS WHICH ROOM IS YOURS

 **Ash** : awww, larry i think u cutest gay together

 **Louis** : thank ashie^^ u sweetie

 **Niall** : *sending a video*

 **Cal** : I wont open it.

 **Ash** : omg THANK NIALL ILY

 **Louis** : ok… okay i see, muke is kinda cute.

 **Zayn** : LIAM OPEN THE FUCKIGN DOOR I KNWO 426 IS YOUR ROOM I HAVE CAMERA, CONDOMS AND IM ABOTU TO FIND A LUBE OPEN THE FUCKIGN DOOR WERE MAKING A SEXTAPE AND WE ARE POSTING IT TO NIALLS TUMBLR FOR HIM

 **Harry** : Li, you and Zayn, you are… you together you know, having… you know…?

 **Liam** : wow, haz.

 **Liam** : just wow.

 **Liam** : you let Tommo here fuck you from behind in your ass as you scream „fuck me deeper daddy“ but you are struggling to write „have intercourse“?

 **Louis** : he's shy

 **Cal** : im moving out!!!!

 **Liam** : im moving the fuck out

 **Ash** : this is the conversation for me

 **Harry** : *smiley emoji*

 **Zayn** : LIAM YOU EITHER OPEN THE DOOR WITHING 5 MINUTES OR IM BREAKING IN

 **Cal** : OM HY DUFKING FUCK CHRIST ON A fucking ROOF OF YOUR DADS CADILLAC, LIAM HOW CAN YOU WR ITHE SOMEHTINF LIEK THAT AND DON'T EVEN BE SHAMED OF IT OM GANDIERUIFVDJKNIERJNVERV

 **Louis** : says the best friend of a guy who’s got a daddy kink

 **Ash** : that… was meant to be for… Zayn or Calum?

 **Louis:** …yes.

 **Harry** : *smiley emoji*

 **Cal** : I am moving out.

 **Ash** : LIAM HAS A DADDY KINK?!?!?  IM MOVING IN IM MOVING THE FUCK IN!!

 **Louis** : yeah, basically….. yeah.

 **Cal** : IM MOVING OUT!!!!!

 **Zayn** : LIAM I CAN HEAR YOU HEAVY BREATHING INTHERE  DON'T YOU THINK I CAN'T RECOGNIZE YOUR BREATHING I HAVE PATTERN FOR YOUR HEARTBEAT IN YM BRAIN I KNOW IT'S YOU THERE OPEN THE FUCKIGN DOOR

 **Niall** : YASSS ASHIE MOVE IN WE CAN SHIP THEM TOGETHER LL SHOW YOU MY SECRET LARRY PORN FOLDER IN MY LAPTOP

 **Liam** : im moving out.

 **Ash** : YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS MOVE OUT LIAM ILL HAVE YOUR ROOM

 **Niall** : YASSSSSS, WELL BE ROOMMATES THAT'S GONN- wai

 **Niall** : t. Waaaaaa

 **Niall** : aaaaaaa

 **Niall** : aaaaaaaait wait

 **Niall** : WAIT

 **Niall** : wait wait wait.

 **Liam** : Here we go.

 **Niall** : ziam is making a sextape.

 **Louis** : oh my god.

 **Cal** : i don't wanna eb a pratr of tis

 **Niall** : ZIAM IS MAKING SEXTHARWEOIGEWIGT ASDFGHJKASDFGHJKDFGHJKTEFZVIUBHKJ KFDJGIOUWERVFHDJKV  AND TH E  Y YYY DNT TT TLLEEL EME,!!?!?

 **Harry** : Theyre making it for you, ni.

 **Niall** : RSDTFZGHJKXDCFGHBJKMLDXFCGHBJKMLDFGHJKLSDFGHJKSDFGHJKSDFGHKJ

 **Louis** : Li id opened the door for him, to be you, i would, really.

 **Louis** : I know him, he’s just like a bull. He sees red and he doesn't care whos on the other side of the red flag.

 **Niall** : ZAYN IM HELPI ING ZAYN ZAY NZANYNAZA NAYYYYYYYN IL HELP ILL GET M YBEST CAMERA DN T DOME STRAWBERY FLAVOUREDE CONDORONS

 **Harry** : I think it's time to leave and maybe find lukey and mikey kittens.

 **Luke** : luke and mikey aren't here whatsoever.

 **Niall** : ZNAY UN YOU ARE bangning on THE WROGN RDOOR HIS BNUMNER IS 429

 **Zayn** : 6 OR 9 THE FUCK IS THIS FU CKERY THIS IS IT OUR FIRST SEX POSSITION IS 69 BECAUSE I WAS BETRAYED BY THOSE SEXY NUMBERS

 **Liam** : IM LEAVING THIS BAND

 **Luke** : THAT'S MY SENTENCE ONLY I CAN SAY THAT

 **Liam** : YEAH WELL NO SHIT HONEY

 **Mikey** : Hey Liam don't be rude to my penguin

 **Louis** : oh cmon, have some mercy, he's about to be raped by angry zayn and have it on a tape

 **Louis** :… i know what it is like.

 **Harry** : *giggles*

 **Cal** : oh my god

 **Ash** : Im moving in

 **Niall** : SEXTAPE ISN'T FUN THING, IT NEEDS TO BE PROFESIONALLY RECORDED AND PERFECTLY DIREC TEED OTHERWISE IT'S JUST A BAD PRONO YOU NEED GOOD LIGHTNING AND A BACKGROUND STORY I A M ALL HREE FOR 

 **Luke** : Like seriously, Louis, how… how can you even work… like this?  

 **Luke**. I mean, it looks… it…

 **Luke** : i mean, it looks like fun,

 **Luke** : but im scared.

 **Harry** : it's kinda good, to work with them lots, usually, you know.

 **Harry** : till someone tries to fuck with Nialls otps,

 **Harry** : or Niall changes the order of his otp’s in his a-list ships, obviously.

 **Luke** : yeah, Ive heard Mikey and I are curently taking the second place?

 **Mikey** : I read one of his larry porn.

 **Mikey** : it was kinda punk-rock

 **Liam:** oh my fucking god

 **Zayn:** LIAM YOU HAVE EXACTLY 5 FUCKING SECONDS TO OPEN THE DOOR OR I AM USING NIALL AS A RAM

 **Louis** : Liam, as a leader of this band I order you to open the door. Niall is my fav and I’d have no sextapes of me and harry fucking, also He’s the captain of our ship andeven if the ship sails itself, it needs its captain, anyway.

Niall: OH MY GOD LOUS YOU ARE THE SWEETEST I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE LARRY ILL SHOOT ANOTHER SXTAPE FOR YOU TWO TOMORROW CAN YOU HAVE A LOT OF DADDY KINK FOR ME PLEASE ALSO I LVOE IT WHEN YOU DIRTY TALK TO HARRY CAN YOU DO THAT NEXT TIME WHEN ILL BE HIDDEN UDNER THE CARPET PLEASE

 **Harry** : oh my god i thought you two were kidding

 **Louis** : anything for my fav creep^^

 **Liam** : im moving out and i am leaving the band AND I HATE YALL

 **Ash** : good. Will you get off your room so i can move in finally or you just talk shit

 **Mikey** : can i see the sextape after liam is raped and niall finished with edditing it

 **Louis** : me too please

 **Harry** : so ill go and grab towels and lotion to take care of liam after, yeah.

 **Liam** : YOU WOULD LITERALL LET THE SEX GOD TO RAPE ME ,!?!!?!

 **Ash** : yes please.

 **Luke** : yup

 **Mikey** : yeah,

 **Harry** : yeah… it's the best, when he takes you and you play like you don't want it.

 **Louis** : yes, i would. It's your fault anyway, Li. He wanted just few cuddle sessions and kissing so youd stay number 2 on Nialls otp list. But you refused, and this is payback. I support Zayn.

 **Luke** : oh my god haz don't u giving me a boner

 **Cal** : OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE PLEASE STOP THIS

 **Niall** : LIAM OPEN THE DOOR I WANT THE ZIAM SEXTAPE SO I CAN MASTURBATE TO IT

 **Mikey** : awwwww, Niall has posted a video here, luke, come in to watch it with me

 **Zayn** : THANK YOU LOUIS YOU ARE MY BF AND I LOVE YOU ALSO I HAVE SOEM MAROCO WEED SAVED FOR US FOR THIS WEEKEND

 **Cal** : Im moving out

 **Louis** : you are a babe, zee.

 **Ash** : this is golden

 **Louis** : btw, muke, you two are really cute. I don't really  bame Niall to move you up and Ziam down. They don't even cuddle.

 **Mikey** : ewww, how coudl they not cuddle, disgusting, not to cuddle.

 **Louis** : Right? I have to live with them.

 **Luke** : poor Louis.

 **Luke** : but like, awwww, lou u sweetie ily. Thanks. I think u and harry are real hot and adorable.

 **Louis** : ^^

 **Harry** : Um, guys? Niall and zayn are in the corridor and are banging on liams door.

 **Louis** :  should we help…?  

 **Harry** : to Niall and Zayn?

 **Louis** : :D :D :D :D :DDDD that's MY BAE!!!

 **Cal** : OMG HAZ

 **Cal** : LIAM IS ABOTU TO GET RAPED BY ZAYN and ZAYN IS THE ONE U WANNA HELP OUT?!?!

 **Louis** : okay lets be honest here. Who deosnt want to see the  ziam sextape

 **Cal** : me.

 **Luke** : omg haz tru. Can you imagine? All the muscles

 **Ash** : all the tattoos

 **Cal** : I said me, oh my god, i don't wanna see any f this

 **Ash** : Zayn’s face during orgasm

 **Cal** : oh my god noNONONONO ID ONT OKAY I DON'T WANT ANY OF THIS

 **Harry** : fuck i think ive got a boner

 **Louis** : same

 **Cal** : Im leaving this fucking band AND THIS TOUR

 **Ash** : no rly like try to imagine liam pinning zayn to the wall, lean oh him and kiss his neck possessively, Liam making him turn his head to face him, licking his lips and kissing him.

 **Luke** : wow

 **Cal** : OH MY GOD NO MY VIRGIN EYES ASHTON WHAT THE FUCK?!?!

 **Louis** : oh, fuck, ash, youre good at this

 **Harry** : okay i think im gonna palm myself to it ash go on

 **Ash** : zayn whining a bit but responding positively by opening his mouth a bit, and liam licking in

 **Louis** : oh dear god yes

 **Mikey** : ash, fuckign christ in the backseet of your mums car, you literally have dirty talk kink

 **Cal** : I DDINT SIGN FOR THIS NO I DON'T WANT ANY OF T HIS I AM ALL VIRGINAL DON'T NO I DON'T WANNA

 **Harry** : shit ash

 **Louis** : fuck off cal he's the best

 **Mikey** : yeah he is

 **Luke** : seriously im leaking through my pants

 **Cal** : OH MY GOD NO GUYS DON'T OH MY GDEAR GDO?!? I DIDN´T  SIGNMY SOUL TO THIS BAND FOR THIS GAY FILTH

 **Ash** : Liam smirking slightly, when Zayn whines a bit, opening his mouth and leaning into the kiss, as he wants to cup Liams face, but Liam grips his wrists and pins them to the wall above zayns head

 **Mikey** : shit

 **Louis** : fuckign christ i thought nialls porn is the best but lie ash oh my god

 **Ash** : and whom do you think ive learned this from

 **Cal** : OH MY G OD NO!!!!l!“

 **Ash** : Liam strips Zayns pants and boxers down, puts Zayns legs around his own hips and Zayn whinning, when he feels Liams hand cupping his leaking hard on 

 **Luke** : OH MY GOD YAS

 **Cal** : ninononononoOO MY VIRGINAL EYES

 **Mike** : fuck im hard as a rock

 **Ash** : liams strong biceps flexes as he thrusts into his lover without a condom, just like that, one long, slow, steady thrust into his tight ass, licking into his mouth possessively while entering him

 **Cal** : IM MOVING HTE FUCK OUT!!!!

 **Liam** : OH MY GDO WHY?!?! WE HAVE NILLA FRO THAT ASH WYH WDOUL YOU EVEN YOU YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE A LIL BABY NOT A GAYPORWRITER LITERALLY S PTO HTIS!!!§!!!!

 **Zayn** : ASH THE FUCK CONTINUE WHERE ELSE CAN I GET MY INSPIRATION WHEN NIALLS DIRECTING AND HOLDIN G THE CAMERA

 **Cal** : Im leaving, im moving out, im taking my boomerang dick and leaving this band.

**Cal has left the conversation.**

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to murder me, punk-cocks.tumblr.com is where i live.


End file.
